Dear You,

So, I told people that I have a crush on someone. He is cute. He is this and he is that. But when I went back home, I realised something. To say that I have a crush on him was actually my egoic version pretending that I don’t love YOU anymore. It was to convince myself that YOU are not mine and that I have to move on. I wanted to be heartbreak-free. I wanted to feel like YOU were just a mistake. But I guess I was wrong.

So I thought I “liked” him because all I had wanted, was to get my thoughts away from you. My mind said that its him you like- the crush.

My heart said otherwise.

It said its YOU, that I LOVE-the only one.

Can I be wrong? I mean YOU have been in everything that I did, thought, felt, listened and dreamt for the past 8 months

The crush is cute. That’s all. But it’s YOU who gives me the chills and the racing heartbeats. I hope to see YOU almost every minute even though sometimes it is not possible. I change my timetable just so I can see you. I calculate yours just so we can chance upon each other.

Let me tell YOU the truth. I never believed in love. There were crushes. But then, crushes are just crushes. People you admire for a specific reason. I hated the idea of love. Because there was no one, I would lose my sleep for. And I have seen enough drama in other people’s life because of love. Didn’t want that.

Then, YOU came along. “BANG”! Maybe LOVE is TOO BIG a WORD for the initial stages. But there was something I felt between us. Makes me feel warm. Makes me feel protected. Makes me feel cared for. Makes me feel loved. Makes me feel connected.

Let me recall something. I didn’t like you the first time I saw you. So, It was not love at first sight. 5 months of nothingness later, I realised that suddenly YOU were the brightest amongst the stars. The next 8 months, a feeling gradually sank in. It grew in me. The feeling- It first sank its roots into my head, then my heart and next it travelled to my veins, and slowly it settled into my soul. Is it the work of overeactive hormones or is it just YOU?

In these months, I felt happiness. The happiness of being myself. Being someone inspired to do what I felt was right. You made me feel alive. I have never felt so positive in my life. You changed everything. Directly and indirectly. You were already a part of me. I lost myself in you so that I can find myself again.

You have inspired me in so many ways. You brought out the best in me. In fact, you saw the best in me. You never once doubted my abilities.

But, it was because of YOU, I slowly saw the substance in me.

I love your smile. When you smile at me, I feel like you really mean it. Not the fake smiles that fade away as quickly as they came. But a genuine one that remains. I can see your full set of teeth.  And Your sparkling eyes are just so mesmerizing. Forgive me, if sometimes I don’t return that smile. I am just too absorbed in my thoughts. Or well, may be I might have been pissed off with you for some reason. Or, well maybe…I am just shy.

Most importantly, I love the fact that YOU are probably the only one who gets me. YOU don’t pretend to know nor pretend to understand me because you are obliged to. Rather, YOU REALLY FEEL WHAT I FEEL.

I have great friends. I love them a lot. But sometimes, even friends don’t really get some parts of you. Let alone, family.  

But YOU always get me in an instant. I don’t need to explain to YOU why I did this or that. You just know it. I feel like the transmitters in our brains have been tuned to the same frequency. To simplify, No one gets me like you do.

I feel like finally there is someone who ain’t laughing at me for what I believe in or do. Or how I view life in general. Because YOU appreciate me for who I am, don’t you? You always gave me a chance. Because I believe, you BELIEVED in me. Sadly, I did disappoint YOU on several occasions. Sometimes, you drove me to it.  Sometimes, it just happens although I ‘m very careful. And sometimes, I wanted to get your attention because I just liked the way you cared. You really did. Didn’t you?